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strawbrrymoon
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Country: United States
State: Pennsylvania
Birthday: 9/20/1984
Gender: Female
Interests: design, art, music, food, piano, sewing, photography, crafty stuff, lotr, harry potter, roller coasters, system of a down, sanrio, astrology, flogging molly, classical music, having fun, ummm, yea...
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
1/6/2003
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| Only 2.5 more weeks of work left and one week of vacation. My last summer break will end and senior year will begin. The thought of graduating in less then one year scares me because I've never been able to see myself beyond college. Before long the job search will begin and I will be forced to make some serious decisions. I can't even decide where to eat for dinner, let alone what to do with my life once I finish school.
Yuck. After reading the shit I have written in this thing, I have decided this will be my last entry. I will no longer publish my horrible whining to a public domain. Goodbye crappy blog. | | |
| It's fucking 3:20 am and I cannot sleep. I have tried for the past hour to get to sleep and I just can't do it. Today was another down sort of day. I blame the stupid people taking too long to fix Ash's Jeep. He had planned to be back Wednesday, and now there is a chance he won't be back until Monday :( I had hoped to see him after work today only to be tricked again. Arg. I didn't really feel like doing a whole lot after that. I dragged my ass to the grocery store, finally, as I was completely out of any substantial food (other then wheat thins, cereal, and peanut butter). I went immeditately after work instead of going home first. Lately I have found I can't get myself out of the apartment once I settle in at home. I played at the piano for a little while again, followed by some Snood and a horrible tasting weed lolipop I remembered I had lying around, from Amsterdam. My sister seemed to think that it worked when I gave her one a few months back (I'm definitely skeptical), but I think I was too overwhelmed by the disgusting taste that would not leave my mouth, even after a drink, some food, and brushing my teeth twice. I just felt dumb afterwards, and some how it had gotten dark already. Nobody was at home and I was too lazy to turn any lights on in the apartment, so I curled up under my blanket and fell asleep around 9:30 or so. I'm still confused as to just where my evening went...
I received a phone call around 12'ish I think from Ash, and after a few minutes of being completely delirious I was pretty awake, and realized I forgot to eat dinner. My stomach was grumblier then usual so I appeased it with some yogurt and cereal. Then Jit returned home after Rugby and some bar hopping, and decided to order a pizza. I stole a slice and had some more of my Diet Coke. That is probably what is killing me right now, fucking caffeine. I just was not thinking when I went for a sip. My mind and body just refuse to let me sleep right now and it is so damn frustrating. My alarm is set for a little less than 4 hours from now. At least I got about 3 hours of sleep earlier, if nothing else... I really miss Ash too, that is keeping my mind in a state of unrest as well I think. I'm still not used to my state of content being so dependent on another person and having that person nearby.
Fucking noisy neighbors. Its fucking 3:30 in the morning, IS IT REALLY NECESSARY TO BLAST FUCKING HARDCORE MUSIC RIGHT NOW!!!! That is certainly not helping the sleeping situation either. Always around 1am, the noise level starts to increase from the apartment below me. Dammit... sleep just seems to be out of my reach tonight. | | |
| Today I got to play piano during a thunderstorm, Beethoven to be precise. Beethoven is perfect for the type of mood a thunderstorm creates. It was so cool, banging away with flashes of lightning outside my window and the occasional rumble of thunder. I also saw a double rainbow, one of which was pretty well defined, filling out about 3/4's of the full arc. It was quite impressive actually. I finally sent some e-mails to my Swiss families and friends. For some reason I keep dwelling on my time there as of late. Oh well. I also bought a couple of books today on a whim. I am such a nerd, working during the day, and practicing piano/reading at night. Oh what fun it is to be a nerd though :) | | |
| Its sad how short-lived peaks in life can be. This will probably prove to be a horribly annoying entry but I feel like writing it anyhow. I guess I was just thinking how good I felt about myself not all that long ago. Honestly my last month or so in Switzerland, and the first month or so upon returning I felt like I was on top of the world, really at my peak. I had a few ups and downs since then but I guess I feel like I've landed in a bit of a down spot right now and I'm struggling to pull myself back up. Its nothing compared to where I was like a year or so ago, but enough that its starting to mess with my head a bit.
It is the summer and I have ample opportunity to do fun things, yet I don't. I go to work and come home and don't get a whole lot done in between. I haven't quite figured out what it is that I can do to fill the time between workdays. I have been trying to get myself to exercise but that has not gone over so well. I am miserable when I do exercise, well run or go to a gym anyhow. I guess if I had a bike out here that could be somewhat enjoyable, if its not 88 degrees and humid outside anyhow. That might facilitate me going more places too, since its a bit more time efficient then just walking or waiting around for buses. I don't know. I have no problem going places by myself either, its just a matter of finding some reason or purpose for going somewhere I guess. I don't like going around without any sort of intention or ultimate goal from the trip. Even if its just to take some pictures or locate a certain store or restaurant. I've just been lacking in my stupid little motives lately for going places.
I continue to have this problem with my weight that bogs me down so much. It really is such a burden that I want to be rid of. Its awful because all I do is complain about it (like right now), and I never take steps to resolve it. Somehow I manage to rationalize why I don't have to completely cut back calories or start exercising on a regular basis (it just makes me miserable). But at the same time I am miserable in my current state and know that if I lost some weight I would probably feel much better about myself (then again maybe not). Maybe I'm just not keeping busy enough, perhaps if I was I wouldn't have time to worry about these silly things.
I am working on planning a few little excursions and what not for the remainder of the summer. I'm going to California in mid-August, although it is with my dad. He is just such an awkward individual... sometimes its difficult to really have a good time in his presence, and its frustrating how he never seems to take interest in anything other people have to say. Ah well, it will be a new place anyhow. I have always intended to see the West coast so I am looking forward to that. I just need more things to look forward to in general. I don't know how I have managed to become so inactive lately. I miss all the traveling and exploring I did last semester. It made life so exciting and fulfilling to see new places and experience new things. Life has become so mundane lately.
I don't know where all this is coming from all of a sudden. I thought I was doing alright but after doing some reflecting the past few days I'm not so sure. When is anyone ever perfectly alright though, really. It is not a perfect world and life just has its ups and downs. The question is, can I pull my own weight and manage to stay up towards the top, as opposed to the bottom half, where I seem to be stuck at the moment. I know I am capable, I have done it before. I just wish I could pull the weight of others along with me, but that is asking too much of myself.
Yet again, I am up way past my bedtime. Although my excuse tonight is that I passed out on the couch in front of the tv from about 8-11. That is always so confusing. I've been feeling really sleepy at work lately though so I should really work on getting more then 5-6 hours of sleep a night. | | |
| So that list I made the other night, of things that I want to do... slowly but surely its getting a little bit shorter! Today a key thing on that list was done, I bought a digital piano!! How fucking awesome is that, I am so ecstatic (however you spell that) about it right now, I can't stop admiring it. It fits so perfectly by my window and I can't help but stop to stare at it every few seconds, knowing that it is mine. This thing cost me a small fortune but I hope it will pay off. It would be awesome if I could actually advance my skill level on my own, without lessons. Due to a lack of practicing since the 9th grade, I have more or less stayed around the same level, but perhaps now I can move up the ladder and start to master more advanced pieces. I purchased some decent headphones to go with it as well, which means I can practice whenever the fuck I want and nobody will hear. No need to worry about other people listening in and thus interfering with my ability to concentrate (I can never play well when I know people are listening or ESPECIALLY watching). Oh this is such a wonderful little thing.
Alright, new topic... Other things that can be taken off the list: redecorate my apartment - I have done this to some extent, nothing extreme, but just enough to make it a little homier. A couple weekends back I bought a couch too. I saw the picture online and I knew right away that it was exactly what I was looking for, and for only $25 it was just too good to be true. Ash went with me to pick it up, and of course it was located on a third floor apartment. Carrying a couch down three flights of stairs proved to be quite entertaining, especially when I had to stop to laugh at how incapable I was every 2 minutes. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the couch not only has a great retro-esque print on it, but also has a subtle curve in the form that makes it just perfect. Oh and the comfort factor is pretty high as well, all in all a nice little find!
A few weekends back Ash and I went to Cedar Pointe, over Memorial day weekend actually. That was FUCKING AWESOME. I forgot just how much I love roller coasters. I always find myself in this state of euphoria while riding and afterwards too. There must have been 12 or 14 coasters at the park, possibly more? I can't recall exactly, but it was certainly a lot. My personal favorites were probably Millenium Force and this one called Dragster or something. Supposedly its the world's fastest coaster, topping off at around 120 mph. The best part is that you go from 0 to 120 mph in a matter of seconds. God bless linear induction coasters, thats all I have to say. After the crazy rush of the launch, you shoot straight up what had to be at least 300 feet, only to come back the other way, straight down. What a fucking rush! I think its pretty clear that I enjoyed myself that day. The only disappointment all day was returning to the car, looking forward to finishing off yummy sandwiches we made (with homemade bread), and discovering that the ice bag melted and leaked, which made for not so yummy soggy sandwiches. Even the chocolate chip cookies got wet too. Oh well.
I still need to get home at some point. My dad is leaving for Switzerland next week though, and now my sister is leaving for Chicago for a couple weeks as well, so there would be no use to go home, not until July or so. So far I've been enjoying Pittsburgh in the summer, aside from the fact that I have been missing my family a LOT lately. I guess I've never been quite this detached from them before. The weather has been getting warmer and stickier the past few days, and the AC finally had to be turned on. I am so grateful to have AC in my apartment, especially after a 25 minute walk home in 87 degree weather. Despite the fact that I am equally as far from work as I am from school, I feel far away from school. I rarely go by CMU and have only been on campus once or twice to take care of some final things. I expected to feel as if I was still at school, but its almost like I'm in a different city or something. I guess its because I have time to enjoy and appreciate other parts of the city since I'm not stuck in the CMU realm all week.
Oops, I didn't expect to write this much. It could be a lot longer but I will cut it short. I really should sleep anyhow, as lately I've been staying up late for no good reason. Well now I have my piano as an excuse, but before I would just be lying in bed playing snood and eating animal crackers. Yes... fucking snood... it has taken over my life this past week or so since it was installed and registered on my computer. But now I can design my own snood sets too, I'm working on a happy fruit set, just for the hell of it. It seems I have another cookie fan too... my current roomate, Jit, had been dropping subtle hints to request another batch of cookies the other day. Since he was nice enough to give me a ride and help with the retrieval of my baby (the piano), I baked some cookies and treated him to a yummy pizza from Pi. That was a pretty big ass batch of cookies, at least like 60 or so... and already there is a decent dent in the cookies plate. Wow, its sad that I keep an eye on these things. Its no wonder why Grandpa Joe started calling me the food nazi.
MUST GO TO SLEEP. | | |
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